The Mysteroids (the Revillos) - "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"

The Mysteroids were actually the Revillos. The Revillos formed after the breakup of the Rezillos in 1978. There were many members of the band but the core members were Eugene Reynolds and Fay Fife from the Rezillos and Rocky Rhythm from the Pork Dukes. The band thought it wouldn't be cool for the Revillos to release a Christmas single so they used the name Mysteroids. "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" was released as a single on the Superville label in 1981.

One of the premiere clubs in New Jersey in the early 80's was Hitsville in Passaic. The club paid host to a who's who of bands including, U2, the Go-Go's, Stiff Little Fingers, A Flock Of Seagulls, 999, Our Daughter's Wedding, Lords Of The New Church, Billy Idol and a show that I attended, the Revillos. "The Rhythm Method", written by Revillos drummer Rocky Rhythm (Nicky Forbes), is due to be published in 2005. Here is a short excerpt from a chapter on the band's American tours and a visit to Hitsville in Passaic, NJ.: (Warning the following is not suitable for young audiences.)

Another day, another gig, another bar. Today we were in Passaic, NJ. That's a bit like coming all the way from America expecting to play cool rock gigs in London and it transpires you are booked into a workingman's club on the outskirts of Romford, Essex. At that time it was almost considered a federal offence to come from New Jersey (and Romford, Essex). Probably still is, except in the intervening years Springsteen and Bon Jovi have made it a mite more hip (New Jersey, not Romford, Essex). We made no money that night so I decided I might as well at least shag someone and make something of the evening. Some people were really there to see us but much of them were a largely confused audience but there was, fortunately, a gaggle of girls. They loved the show and some seemed desperate for excitement in their glum lives; something to make them forget they were stuck for all eternity in Passaic. I wasn't that excitement, but heck, I wasn't going to let that stop me. After the gig, all the girls stood in line just outside the dressing room door, the way girls were frequently prone to do, as they tried to get off with someone from the band. One said to me,

"You English guys have such nice accents. Just like in da moovies!"

"You, too, darlin,'" I replied as this phrase I was beginning to hear repeated frequently.

I could take my pick and was easily persuaded by a nice brunette wearing a purple frock coat, who said,

"Hi. I really wanna fuck you, blond boy. I wanna fuck you right now. I'll pay for the motel." Then she said, "I've got booze." I was already happy to accept her offer when she added, as a clincher, "I've got my Mustang parked outside."

"Motel? Mustang? Alcohol? Sex? Oh, OK."

The car stereo was pounding out the Clash's 'I'm So Bored Of The USA'. As I stepped into the car she stepped on the gas, turned the stereo down to a deafening blast and drove me off into the night. She unzipped my jeans and stuck her hand in for a rummage around. She found what she was looking for. Somewhere on the outskirts of town the Mustang skidded into the dusty parking lot of a run-down, seedy motel with a faulty, flickering neon sign. I sat in the car with a thumping hard-on, knocking back her bottle of brandy as she paid for the lodgings.

The motel room stank. A shoal of fat bluebottles flew around the one unprotected light bulb blazing down. The room had all the ambience of a murder scene. The TV didn't work, as usual. The bed sheets were dirty, so dirty that even I noticed, so I turned out the light. It was not a tourist-type motel. It was a shag hole. Well, what else did I expect? Cars came and went all night long, just like the clientele. What I thought was the relentless noise of crickets in the still night air was actually the sound of unzipping zippers.

The last thing I expected the motel to have was a vibrating waterbed, but it did. This will impress her, I thought while pushing a dollar in the slot. It didn't work. Shoving me onto the bed she got her tits out and licked them. She slowly pulled my jeans down and I held the back of her head as I watched her go down on me by the red, flashing neon of the motel sign. Later, we screwed through some of the night and it was daybreak by the time I fell asleep. She was gone when I awoke. I wonder what her name was?

Thanks to Rocky Rhythm for this sneak peek at his upcoming book. Rocky continues to play and tour with the Pork Dukes.

You can find "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" on the reissued and remastered "Attack" cd as well as the Revillos catalog at Captain Oi.

Go to the download page to get the Revillos - "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"